A local genius has miraculously circumvented the four-pack toilet paper limit by donning an elaborate disguise in a bold return supermarket visit this afternoon. The nation is currently in the grip of toilet paper pandemonium, as doomsayers across Australia flood supermarkets and general stores in a rabid attempt to stock up on the essential item, as fears spread about a global coronavirus outbreak that could confine people to their homes for up to two weeks at a time.

The rush has been so extreme that many supermarkets have begun enforcing a strict limit of only four packs of toilet paper per customer, leading Watsonia man Darren Hamilton to put his thinking cap on. Hamilton contacted The Watsonia Bugle this afternoon to gloat about his bold move of managing repeat visits to a local supermarket today, aided by an elaborate disguise that averted the attention of supermarket heavies.

According to Hamilton, “It was the perfect crime, mate. They had no idea, haha. I just wandered in that second time with me glasses and moustache on, and they were none the wiser. Looks like my bum will be safe from this coronavirus thingo. Too easy, mate.”