A local kook has finally run out of excuses for his mediocre surfing ability after visiting Melbourne’s new wave pool yesterday with a bunch of mates. Callum Mason has spent years citing choppy ocean conditions along Victoria’s unpredictable coastline as the sole reason he can’t consistently shred, but yesterday’s idyllic swell at URBNSURF in Tullamarine provided few opportunities for justifications.

An anonymous member of his friendship group contacted The Watsonia Bugle this morning to discuss the harsh realisation, claiming that the usually chatty Mason hardly spoke on the drive home to Watsonia after the one-hour surf session. The friend said, “Haha, mate, it was all-time. Cal’s always making excuses for why he can’t get a decent ride when we’re down the coast. Crosswinds, tide changes, too big, too small, he’s used every excuse in the book over the years. But he was nowhere yesterday, and the conditions were A1. This could be the end of his surfing career, I reckon.”

Unaware that we’d spoken to his friend earlier, Mason gave a noticeably different account of yesterday’s events when we contacted him for a chat. He said, “Man, it was hectic! So rad. I spent so much time in the green room that I thought my iPhone would change my home location to right there in those barrels. So sick. I’ll be back for sure.”