After embracing sports drinks for the best part of 20 years, Australians are now being told that electrolyte-packed sugar hand grenades are really only necessary for endurance athletes and dedicated binge drinkers. In an era where people are quitting sugar and beginning to understand that people have survived for thousands of years without multi-coloured sports drinks, the big manufacturers are genuinely considering changing their advertising targets from casual gym goers to people with low impulse control and a tendency to get socially excited.

A marketer from Sportsade, a popular supplier of sports drinks, spoke to The Watsonia Bugle on the promise of anonymity. She said, “people are slowly getting wind of the fact a 45-minute session at the gym only requires 600ml of water as an appropriate recovery intervention, not 600ml of expensive sugar-jammed lolly water. But the hangover segment is really growing, especially as binge drinking Gen Yers now realise they need to go to work and/or care for their offspring whilst hungover, rather than just lying on their parents’ couch for a day and requesting regular deliveries of party pies.

“Have you seen those Facebook videos of hangover clinics that look after insipid 20-somethings who can’t deal with the after effects of a wonderful night on the soup? If these idiots are willing to pay upwards of $80 an hour to be put on a drip and have their feet rubbed, they won’t think twice about paying a few bucks for a sports drink that is mainly placebo but will also make them feel slightly better about their poor choices from the night before.”