A tense toothpaste tube replacement standoff has reportedly reached its fifth day in a local household, leading family members to speculate who will eventually break and get a new tube from the nearby laundry cupboard. An anonymous insider from within the family contacted The Watsonia Bugle yesterday to discuss the issue, claiming the current impasse was definitely not the first of its kind.

The family member said, “I’m pretty sure it’s five days now and, to be honest, it’s just not good enough. While some of it’s probably due to laziness, I reckon half of us are scared of getting into trouble with Dad for throwing the tube out before absolutely every ounce of paste is extracted from it. We’ve been accused of that before, and it wasn’t pretty.”

The inside source also claimed that the father’s thriftiness extended beyond the appropriate time deemed for replacing a near-empty toothpaste tube. They said, “The old man runs a tight ship. When the tomato sauce bottle is almost empty, he sneaks into the kitchen at night and adds a bit of water to make the bottle last a little longer. It’s obscene. Real ‘child of Depression era parents’ kind of stuff. If this coronavirus toilet paper mania goes on any longer, I reckon he’ll be tracking our dunny paper usage soon enough.”

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