An enthusiastic binge drinker from Greensborough has just endured a nervous scroll through his call history after having a big night out last night. This morning, Daniel Timmons woke in a daze, missing significant portions of the previous evenings events, and had a hangover that was exacerbated by the fear of who he may have called and what he may have said.

Reaching for his phone across the bed, Timmons’ bleary eyes stared intently at the recent call history, slowly scanning for any red flags. Speaking to The Watsonia Bugle about his ordeal, Timmons said, “It’s probably the worst part of the hangover: the dreaded scan just to see how much damage you’ve actually done the night before. My heart actually stops each time I open my phone first thing after a big night out.”

Following his careful inspection this morning, Timmons says he escaped relatively unscathed. He said, “The only call I made was to my brother at 1.37am but we often trade insults over the phone when we’re drunk, so there’s no real damage done there. I think I’ve gotten off lightly this time.”

Having completed the call history analysis, Timmons then immediately opened his messages to see if any damage was done there. Again, this was relatively clear but, according to Timmons, “Sometimes the messages can be worse than any call you’ve made. The sentiments of a text message are etched in stone, so they can linger in a person’s thoughts for an eternity. The only saving grace is often my drunk self’s inability to type anything but hieroglyphics in a text message after a certain quantity of beer.”