A local close talker says he’s concerned that people can’t hear him speaking to them from 1.5 metres away, after a lifetime of getting a little too up close and personal to friends and colleagues. Ron Gregson claims that while he wants to respect the social distancing measures put in place to fight the spread of COVID-19, he’s finding it very hard to communicate under this new regime.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, Gregson said, “I’m just not sure if people can hear me when I’m standing 1.5 metres from them. Seriously. I mean, I pride myself on being a clear and open communicator, and I’m just not sure that’s achievable from such a long distance.”

Gregson said he’s trying to compensate for the lack of human contact by getting his face as close to the camera on his phone and laptop as possible while conducting Zoom chats, but it’s just not the same. He said, “There’s nothing like really getting up close and personal with someone, especially people that you don’t know, and even more so after sinking a few beers. Zoom and the other video chats are good, but only to a certain point. I want to see the look of discomfort on the other person when some of my saliva accidentally propels itself onto their face. You know, that internal monologue they conduct where they’re trying to decide how to respond to that intrusion. I live for that kind of shit.”