A Watsonia man says he’s struggling to retrace last night’s drunken steps without having the usual bank statement paper trail to forensically examine. Hugh Edwards had more than the recommended dosage of alcohol last night after another long week of working in iso, and woke this morning feeling a little dusty.

The Watsonia Bugle spoke to Edwards this morning and he was in a state of disarray. He said, “Mate, I’m super sketchy about the finer details of last night. I started drinking at my home office desk around 3.30ish because, you know, nobody but my family was watching, and they’re already well aware of my drinking habits. So, by the time the kids were all in bed and asleep, I switched from the beers to a bottle of red, and that’s where things get a bit hazy.”

But it’s the lack of documentation/evidence of his movements has left Edwards a little shaken. As he said, “Normally after a big night out you can retrace your steps by looking at your bank account. You know, a shout here, a shout there, 3am souvlaki on the side of the road, Uber arrival time, the usual. So you can work your way back from there. The problem with getting blotto at home is you’ve got no way of knowing what time you fell asleep, and you don’t even have the usual metric of ‘I made it to the end of the footy’. It’s real tough mate, and it’s giving me serious grog horrors.”