A Watsonia man has commenced searching for new ways to broadcast that he’s a wanker after yesterday’s announcement that Segway will be ceasing the production of their namesake two-wheeled personal transporter. Cameron Klein said that while it would be hard to find a personal accessory that projecting his wankerness as quickly and as loudly as the obstreperous vehicle, the early stages of his search have proven relatively fruitful.

Speaking to The Watsonia Bugle about the matter, Klein said, “Nothing screamed ‘I’m a wanker’ louder than slipping my high vis vest on and going for a seggie down Watsonia Road. You know, do a few laps, wave to people, it was awesome. But now they’ve stopped making them, once my current model breaks down, I’ll have no way of replacing it. So, I need to start exploring other methods.”

While Klein remained relatively tight-lipped about any future approach to broadcasting his rampant wankerness, he did offer some hints. He said, “It’s only early days, but I’m thinking about maybe a combined effort. I feel like one thing alone can’t replace the Segway, so maybe I’ll combine personalised number plates with a Bluetooth headset for me mobile phone, and I’ll start cutting in from the righthand lane to get on the Ring Road each morning.”