A local entrepreneur’s innovative face mask design has been flatly rejected by health authorities, leaving the budding businessman absolutely shattered. Full-time inventor, and part-time park cricketer, Paul Innes claims the design had performed well during his initial testing, and could’ve helped Melbourne reduce the rate of COVID-19 infections in our fair city.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, Innes said, “I really thought it was a goer, mate. I mean, that design has been protecting cricketers for years. If it can keep out 156 grams of leather hurled with intent from 20 metres away, surely it can keep some vapours out while you’re on your daily walk around the block. Plus that thick elastic strap around the top is way more comfortable than any of the straps I’ve worn on those other masks that are on the market. I can’t believe they’ve knocked this back.”

Innes also said the optional plastic insert with breathing holes provided an extra layer of protection. He said, “With those two layers between your face and the recycled air of a passerby, you’d be invincible. Seriously.”