A local man has conceded that he regrets giving himself an iso haircut, and is now stuck patiently waiting for it to grow back. Watsonia West resident Paddy O’Furniture made the stark admission earlier today, after spending the early part of this week defending his bold new look.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle about his u-turn, Paddy said, “I thought it would make me look hard and tough like me bald mate Jerry, but instead I just look like someone took the clippers to Craig Hutchison. It’s a bit of a disaster really. Luckily, I can’t leave the house for the next five weeks anyway. By the time Stage 4 is over I should be back in business. Not like Jerry, he’s stuck with that nude nut for life.”

Paddy’s clipper calamity is believed to be one of many occurring across Melbourne during the current restrictions, with the potent combination of mind-numbing boredom and closed hairdressers seemingly inspiring people to take matters into their own hands. But Paddy has warned others about the perils, bravely announcing, “Don’t do it, seriously. I thought it was cool at first, but now I’m full of regret. There’s a reason why we should leave these things to the professionals.”