COVID-19 has officially replaced osteitis pubis as the most frightening medical ailment of this century, finally proving dangerous enough to eclipse the injury that plagued the AFL in the 2000s. An independent medical body made the damning decision earlier this week, after carefully comparing both the media coverage and the general sense of fear within the community about each affliction.

The final decision is still to be published in an esteemed medical journal before the end of this year, but an inside source from the research team has confirmed the classification in a brief interview with The Watsonia Bugle. They said, “The main criteria for this kind of thing is the combination of fear within the community and widespread media coverage. That index informs our research, and assists us in accurately classifying just how frightening a particular condition really is.”

While many will be surprised that COVID hadn’t already overtaken “OP” for this unwanted title, the source suggested that underestimated just how big a deal osteitis pubis was in AFL circles during the first decade of this century. They said, “It says a lot about osteitis pubis that COVID-19 has only just taken over as the most frightening ailment of this generation, considering COVID has pretty much been the only thing people have talked about in 2020. We tend to forget just how scared the general population was of OP. It was a huge issue in its time.”

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