The fully-grown man spotting performing monos on a mountain bike down Watsonia Road earlier today is probably not a cool guy. In fact, a local social scientist has claimed that both the action and the location suggest that the public display of bike-bound balance was actually probably more of a cry for help than any expression of social currency.

Professor Graeme Krankston has told The Watsonia Bugle, “While ripping up onto one wheel on a bike is a seemingly impressive feat, you have to question the motives of an adult pulling such a stunt in such a public place. The more I think about it, the more I feel that it was a cry for help. If that man is reading this, I suggest he talk to someone about his actions. Immediately.”

However, a local teenager who also spotted the performance said, “Did youse guys see that old bloke pull a mono out the front of the IGA? It was sick, man. If I’m still pulling that kind of shit when I’m old I’ll be real happy.”