The freshly minted Prime Minister of New South Wales has controversially offered recalibrated world globes for classrooms within his jurisdiction, in a bold attempt to further wash his hands of the Independent Republic of Victorionavirus. Scott Morrison made the announcement earlier today after a busy afternoon of building a cubby house, and just before he retired to the kitchen to take a selfie of him cooking a delicious curry.

While timing around the official rollout of the initiative remains unknown, ScoMo said he was hopeful the updated globes would be in classrooms before the end of the year, allowing the youth of his newly minted jurisdiction to start afresh in 2021. The PR stunt is expected to be the first of many, as Morrison attempts to re-educate residents of the Australasian region about the new international borders.

Morrison had received criticism in recent weeks for an alleged lack of support to people living south of the Murray River, seemingly withdrawing the “elbow of support” that he’d encouraged fellow Australians to offer Victorians when harsher restrictions were put in place in early August to stop the rampant spread of COVID-19. Some of the more vocal critics branded him the “Prime Minister of New South Wales”, in reference to the noticeable lack of leadership he’d shown towards over six million of his now-former constituents.

Morrison liked the ring of that mock title so much that he moved swiftly to make it official. One source claimed, “He loved it make, absolutely. Was even cracking gags about. Reckons it’s lucky the new inflatable globes aren’t being distributed in Victoria because all the kids would just try to play ‘aerial ping pong’ with them. Haha.”

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