As Melbourne continues to take tentative steps in the so-called ‘COVID normal’, a local man claims one regular part of our old lives needs to return before we can start getting our lives back on track. Martin Stephenson says 2020 saw a distinct lack of homemade signs on the pedestrian bridge on the Greensborough Bypass, and until he sees a steady stream of welcome home and happy birthday messages on the railing there he’s convinced that 2021 will be just as shit as last year.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, Stephenson said, “That bridge has been the unofficial message board of the Diamond Valley for decades now. Sure, social media has killed it off a bit, but nothing says love more loudly than sacrificing an old bed sheet, scrawling a heartfelt message on it, and illegally hanging the finished product from the railing. That is prime real estate that bridge. Tens of thousands of eyes see that message each day. That kind of traction is expensive to get on the internet these days.”

While Stephenson conceded that “Welcome Home” signs were probably off the cards in the short-term due to the cessation of international travel, and general commuting numbers were probably still down, people still have birthdays and anniversaries that are worth celebrating. He said, “18ths and 21sts were the bread and butter of that bridge back in the day. Why can’t we just return to those good old days. The kids of this generation are too busy staring at their phone screens to track down an old bed sheet and deface it. But they should try it some time. The whole process makes you feel alive!”