Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison has reportedly asked for a so-called “XXXX Gold button” in his Canberra office, after learning late yesterday that outgoing USA President Donald Trump had a “Diet Coke button” in the Oval Office. A long-time supporter of Trump, it’s believed that Morrison liked the dual purpose of such an installation – i.e. improved delivery of beverages, plus honouring the revered legacy of Trump’s presidency.

A self-styled man of the people, Morrison also felt that opting for XXXX Gold cans instead of Diet Coke served in a tall glass and delivered on a silver platter would further enhance his growing reputation for being just a regular, knockabout bloke. The reckless shaka thrower, selective boat people supporter, and non-hose holder is alleged to have made enquiries with his staff late last night, with an anonymous insider claiming the PM said, “Reckon I can get me one of them buttons in me office that orders a butler to deliver me an ice-cold drink immediately and at any time of the day? You know, just like Trumpy? How good would that be, haha. And once the people find out, they’ll love me even more for just being an everyday bloke. It’ll be, like, epic and that.”

It wouldn’t be the first interesting custom feature in Morrison’s office, following a previous sighting of a handcrafted trophy-like sculpture of an asian fishing boat with the words “I Stopped These” emblazoned across the side. However, Morrison seems to have completed a full 180 on that controversial stance towards boat people, after expressing his heartfelt empathy for members of the First Fleet who he claims wouldn’t have had “a particularly flash day” on January 26 in 1788. Maybe the quick and efficient delivery of beer cans might not be such a good idea after all…

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