A local man has reportedly devoured his Easter egg stash with the power and grace of bear entering hibernation. Onlookers claim they only have admiration and awe for Jeremy Bannister, who cleared his household of all Easter chocolate by late Monday evening.
Responding to the hype currently surrounding his feat, Bannister said, “To be honest, I’m not sure what all the fuss is about. This is an annual tradition for me. I just devour it all as quickly as possible. Like a saltwater crocodile digesting its prey and then not needing to eat for a few weeks. It’s nature.”
However, not all observers agree with Bannister’s second animal metaphor. An anonymous family member contacted The Watsonia Bugle this morning to dispute Bannister’s assertion that he wouldn’t eat chocolate for a few weeks after his annual Easter feast. The family member said, “Did he really say that? What a stone-faced liar. I swear, he’ll be off to the supermarket today to try and grab a few leftover Easter bargains. And if they’re all gone, he’ll see what Cadbury blocks are on special. He’ll be into the choccies for sure.”