A Greensborough man has finally admitted defeat and told close family and friends that he will no longer be attempting to brew his own beer from the sanctuary of his own garage. Dale Williamson officially conceded defeat over the weekend, after sampling yet another failed batch of his home brew, creatively titled “Dale Ale”.

As he spat the contents of his bottle out onto the family dinner table, Dale pushed his chair away from the table, stood up, and proclaimed, “That’s it! I’ve had it. I’m givin’ up on this home brew crap. Someone get me a VB will ya?” While family members were initially shocked by the outburst, they later breathed a collective sigh of relief, safe in the knowledge that they would no longer have to endure multiple conversations with Williamson about cultures, hops, bottling techniques, and the so-called “wanky craft beer industry that is overcomplicating the process”.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle yesterday, Williamson said, “Yeah mate, I’m done. My announcement might’ve been a bit dramatic, but it was due to all the blood, sweat and tears I’ve put into me home brew over the last five years or so. Everyone always said the first few batches would be no good, but then you’d get the hang of it. Well I never did mate. I reckon I produced about 10 batches over the journey, and only one of them was half decent. That’s not a great strike rate is it?”