A local Magpies supporter has started laying the foundations of getting out of watching his team take on Port Adelaide tonight by feigning a deep and decidedly off-brand interest in Olympics opening ceremonies. Cameron Davies has been subtly dropping his interest in choreography and pyrotechnics into conversations for the last 24 hours, attempting to deceive both friends and family.

When quizzed about his behaviour, Davies said, “Oh mate, for sure, I love me Maggies, but I’m also really into the arts. In particular, I just love experiencing new cultures through the performing arts, and Japan has always fascinated me. Plus, the Olympics only come around once every four years, or once every five years this time, haha. I just can’t wait for tonight.”

However, Davies’ best mate Luke Nelson is not convinced. When contacted separately by The Watsonia Bugle for his opinion, Nelson said, “This is absolute bullshit. What a clown?! As if Cam even cares about the opening ceremony, he barely even cares about the Olympic events! He’s been easing off the Pies since early in the season when he saw the warning signs we’d be no good this year. Honestly, I’m not angry with him, I’m just disappointed.”