A recent study into modern parenting techniques has discovered that the age-old technique of washing out a trash-talking child’s mouth with soap doesn’t hold the same gravity for the current generation of kids. The study, conducted by a local university, claimed that the gradual decline of soap bars in modern households – in favour of exotic liquid soap flavours – had significantly altered the experience of having one’s mouth washed out with soap.

The lead researcher from the study, Professor Nathaniel Lennon said, “Have you seen some of the flavours of soap you can buy these days? All these liquid soaps are quite aromatic, even I wouldn’t mind having a taste sometimes. One thing’s for sure, they’d definitely taste better than a month-old bar of Imperial Leather or Country Life. Kids have got it too easy these days.”

When pushed on what his favourite flavour would be, Professor Lennon said, “Oh, that’s a tough one. ‘Vanilla and Sweet Almond’ sounds quite nice, but I also wouldn’t mind some ‘Coconut and Spice Fig’. That would be interesting. Makes me want to start swearing in front of my parents, for fuck’s sake.”