A local payphone is currently grappling with a severe identity crisis over the new free calls policy recently introduced by Telstra. The phone, which stands proudly on the corner of Watsonia Road and Morwell Avenue, is now openly pondering whether it needs to have a name change.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, the phone said, “My whole life, I’ve been known as a ‘payphone’, but now I’m giving free calls what does that make me? A freephone? I honestly don’t know. I mean, technically I’m still a payphone if you want to make an international call from me, but who’s making an international call from a payphone these days? Nobody.”

Despite concerns over finding its new identity, the phone did admit that it’d been quite busy since the fee structure changed. It said, “Yeah, I’ve just really poured myself into my work since to take my mind off the crisis. It’s been quite interesting really. I haven’t been this busy since about the mid-90s. Video may have killed the radio star, and mobile phones tried to kill the payphone, but I’m still kicking!”