A local Dees fan says he’s enduring challenging selection headaches at the cheese platter table ahead of next weekend’s AFL Grand Final. Callum Willis-Ploughman has been tinkering with his preferred lineup all week, and said he’d be conducting a thorough test run tomorrow afternoon to ensure that no stone is left unturned in preparation for the big game.

And as Demons fans from across the country prepare to watch the AFL decider from their homes, instead of within the safe confines of the MCC enclosure at the Melbourne Cricket Ground, it’s believed Willis-Ploughman’s brave struggle is not an isolated case. Anecdotal evidence from across Victoria suggests many Dees fans are currently weighing up the optimal cheese platter mix for next weekend.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, Willis-Ploughman said, “I can’t be the only one, but that doesn’t make this challenge any easier. The last time we were in a Grand Final was 21 years ago, and cheese platters weren’t as expansive or diverse as they are now. This truly is unchartered territory. And just like I imagine Goody is playing with his magnet board right now, so too must thousands of Dees fans when searching for the perfect lineup to match the grand occasion.”

Willis-Ploughman then quoted no less than John F. Kennedy when trying to explain why his mission was so important. He said, “Really, it’s just like what JFK said about choosing to go to the moon. I’m doing this not because it’s easy, but because it’s hard. This task will serve to organise and measure the best of my energies and skills, because that challenge is one that I’m willing to accept, one I’m unwilling to postpone, and one which I intend to win. Go Dees!”