A solid month of consistent alcohol abuse forced a local man to opt for a quiet afternoon on the West Coast Coolers yesterday, following claims he couldn’t even look at another beer, let alone drink one. Daniel Kent described his festive season as “hectic”, ultimately leaving him feeling listless and concerned about his long-term health.

Kent claims he hasn’t drunk a West Coast Cooler for more than 20 years, and said a chance encounter yesterday at a local bottle shop led to his snap decision to buy two four-packs for a BBQ at a mate’s place. Kent said, “I legit hadn’t seen one of them for a very long time. All I remember is that me mum used to drink them back in the early 90s. I was in the bottleo, saw them on the shelf, and just thought why not hey?”

While Kent conceded that feedback from his mates had been “mixed” when he arrived at the BBQ with eight West Coast Coolers under his arm, he’s comfortable with his decision. He said, “Cider is for little boys, mate. WC Coolers are for real men. Sophisticated adult men. Of which I’m attempting to become in 2022. New year, new me!”