A local man has brazenly lied to a bottle shop attendant by claiming the four-pack of Lemon Ruskis he was purchasing were for his girlfriend. Ben Harmison told the stone-faced lie earlier today while stocking up for another evening of hedonistic celebration for the festive season.

Speaking to The Watsonia Bugle about his reasons for the deceit, Harmison said, “Look, society has come a long way in recent years, but I still feel judged on the odd occasions when I really lust after a few Lemon Ruskis on a warm summer evening. So, I use the girlfriend excuse quite a bit. A little white lie every now and then doesn’t hurt anyone.”

Harmison blamed a hectic December for his unconventional beverage choice. He said, “I’ve been on the turps for about 14 days straight at this point. I’m that sick of beer right now, I just needed a change of pace. Have you got a problem with that?”

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