In the wake of Jordan De Goey’s about-face regarding the exact circumstances of his broken hand, Western Bulldogs young gun Mitch Wallis has confessed that he actually broke his leg two days before most observers thought he did. After a persistent hum of whispers this morning on talkback radio, Wallis was forced to speak to Bulldogs officials this afternoon to admit that he had pulled off one of the most elaborate, and likely painful, cover ups of all time. 

Most footy fans will call the horrific nature of Wallis’s broken leg in July last year in a match against St Kilda. Teammates were so shaken by the scenes that they openly wept in the change rooms after the match, as Wallis screamed in agony after suffering one of the worst injuries seen in an AFL match. Or so we thought. Wallis told club officials today that he actually broke his leg two nights earlier courtesy of a dance floor mishap during a mid-week drinking session on “Uni Night”. 

Speaking at a hastily arranged press conference this afternoon, Wallis said “I am very sorry for lying to and misleading my coaches and teammates. I never intended on having too many drinks that night, but happy hour had cheap shots and I was trying to impress this girl I like. The night got away from me, and by the time I woke up in the morning, the only thing keeping my leg together was my fashionable skinny leg jeans.”

Wallis went on to explain how he downed a couple of pain killers, and then employed a strapping technique not dissimilar to the one used by Australian fast bowler Bruce Reid in the late 1980s and early 1990s. Incredibly, Wallis managed to train with his team on the Friday, before getting through part of a game of footy on the Saturday night until the strapping eventually gave way and the full extent of his lower leg injury become known to all.

According to Wallis, “Bevo’s a pretty cool dude, but I don’t think even he would’ve been okay with me hitting the turps two nights before a game”.