Channel 7’s 2017 AFL commentary roster is now successfully ruining two nights a week instead of just the one it ruined in previous years. The innovative strategy behind this wider spread is thanks to separating the collective dimwittedness of Brian Taylor and Luke Darcy across both Friday and Saturday nights, rather than confining them to just one night. In previous years it was almost bearable to just confine the pain to one night a week, and often a night that you were out of the house anyway. 

But now it’s spread over two painful nights, and Channel 7 is fielding constant criticism from the viewing public. Meanwhile, Friday night footy has already struggled at times due to the AFL fixturing, so the last thing it needs is Brian Taylor’s boorish overstatements, thinly veiled homophobia, and sloppy attempts to mask his lack of intelligence with loud and exaggerated noises. 

While over on Saturday nights, Darcy now has an even bigger platform from which to broadcast his desperate efforts to speak with a deep manly voice and use words that he probably doesn’t know the definition of. Not even the dulcet tones of Basil Zempilas and an impressive supporting cast can save Darcy from dropping his voice multiple octaves to sound more authoritive. 

So thanks Channel 7, we know you spent bucket loads of cash to obtain the TV rights, but maybe you should invest in some higher quality focus groups.