Cafe owners within a five kilometre radius of property tycoon Tim Gurner’s first ever investment property have confirmed that smashed avocado wasn’t on the menu when Gurner was living in the area. And analysts predict that had the delicious mashed vegetable on cooked bread been available when Gurner was in his early 20s he would’ve been unable to resist, and would now be stuck in the housing affordability mire like all the people who didn’t get a $34,000 inheritance when they were teenagers. 

Gurner has received heavy scorn on social media for his comments about young people not being willing to make sacrifices so they can enter the housing market. The comments, normally expected from a much older grumpier person, come from a 35-year-old billionaire, who no doubt worked hard to get where he is (in addition to significant external assistance) but has arguably lost touch with the common man. 

In response to the comments, The Watsonia Bugle contacted the long standing cafes in the area of Gurner’s first property to gain a retrospective view of what was on the menu. They all confirmed that smashed avocado wasn’t a thing in the early 2000s, in fact avocado had hardly even risen to prominence just yet. Therefore, we propose that had it been available at Gurner’s local cafe, he no doubt would’ve thrown his $34,000 kick start away on a string of breakfasts and coffees, and would now have a stronger affinity with people busting their guts to get into the housing market, sometimes even without smashed avocado in their stomachs to fuel their efforts.