Australian Senator Pauline Hanson has angered pretty much the entire nation by requesting that all non-native animals be removed from Australian zoos as they might be a terrorist threat. In her no tolerance approach to immigrants, Hanson has written to every zoo in Australia asking them to send their international animals home in case they inflict a terrorist incident on our fair nation. 

In the open letter, Hanson made such bizarre comments as, “I find it very hard to believe that we can fully trust animals that were not born and raised here in Australia. I mean, their religious affiliation could have a dangerous bearing on their ability to inflict damage on the standard of living that we hold so dear. What’s stopping a giraffe from becoming a suicide bomber?”

Zoo officials have responded to the letter with a mixture of bemusement and an open questioning of Hanson’s business smarts. Melbourne Zoo’s Director of Merchandise, Callum Fraser, said “in an ideal world people would come to see just the Aussie animals in our zoo, but in the current marketplace consumers require a bit more than a few kangaroos, a koala, and an elusive platypus. They want gorillas, elephants, giraffes, zebras, the lot. Anyone that visits our zoo knows that the Australiana section is horribly neglected. And that’s because if you want to see a kangaroo you go to the outer suburbs, you don’t pay $32.50 to come to the zoo.

“And as for their religious beliefs and/or willingness to perform an act of terror, most of these poor souls are so heavily domesticated they can’t even fart without human assistance, let alone orchestrate a covert terrorist attack.”