An Eltham man has waged war on a seemingly unknown enemy after posting a pointed notice on his nature strip warning dog owners to clean up after their pets if they relieve themselves on his treasured grass. The unnamed man erected the sign some time earlier this week after what he described as a “spate of dog droppings” being left on his beloved turf.

It is unknown whether the new sign has deterred any pooping in the last couple of days, but dog owners in the area have been put on notice by what would be seen as a humorous message were it not for the fact that this is such a serious issue. The sign reads: 

“To the inconsiderate arseholes who continuously let their dogs defecate on this nature strip, I’ve had enough! This recent spate of dog droppings being left here has led me to install CCTV cameras that I will monitor. If I see your dog has done its business on my grass and you don’t pick it up, I will follow you home to find out where you live, and I will return that night to personally take a dump on your front step. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!”

While the man who put the sign up would not answer his front door, some of his neighbours spoke to The Watsonia Bugle on the condition of anonymity. They said the sign had shocked them, as the man was a very quiet and courteous neighbour, loved by all in the street. One neighbour said, “I can’t believe he used that kind of fruity language, I’ve never heard him say so much as ‘damn’. But obviously he’s just been pushed too far this time. These random dog droppings are quite unsavoury.”