Facebook has recently taken to telling its users to “Rise and shine” when they first open the mobile app in the morning, and the accompanying piece of toast bounding out of a cartoon toaster is probably more annoying than “Clippy” the paper clip that used to hassle the hell out of people on Microsoft Word. The toast launches out of the toaster and bounces around, referring to you by your first name and just being annoying as all get out.
The last thing you need when trying to catch up with what inconsequential events have happened overnight on your Facebook newsfeed is some chirpy piece of cooked bread telling you to haul your sorry ass out of bed. While self-proclaimed communication experts would suggest that referring to users by their first name personalises the interaction, we would argue that when a piece of toast that you don’t know from a bar a soap addresses you by your first name it’s super creepy.
And then there’s the eyes. Look into those beady little eyes of his. He’s real shady. Staring at you while you lie in bed. There’s no life behind those eyes of his, so what gives him the right to tell you to “rise and shine”? Sure, Clippy was arguably the most infuriating cartoon object of all time, but at least you could turn him off.