A local supermarket is considering a radical price drop to spark passionate shoppers just like the French people who recently resorted to fisticuffs over heavily discounted jars of Nutella. Earlier this week a French supermarket slashed the cost of their Nutella to almost a quarter of the regular price, resulting in heated battles as bargain hunters scuffled for as many jars as their hands could hold. One customer told a local newspaper that their fellow customers were like animals, and that, “one woman had her hair pulled. An elderly lady took a box on her head.”

Despite the seemingly unsavoury behaviour sparked by the radical price drop, a local supermarket manager claims that’s just the sort of passion he wants to see in his customers. The manager, who requested anonymity, told us, “As a general rule Aussie shoppers are too complacent. Apart from the occasional Aldi flare up, we just expect the usual bargains. You know, Arnotts Shapes for two bucks or a dollar fifty, discounted blocks of Cadbury chocolate varieties, it’s all the same. I’d love to see some of my customers literally fight for their products. It would really bring the personal touch back to supermarket shopping.”

The manager even went as far as to suggest that the lack of passion shown by Aussie shoppers in supermarket aisles was yet another indication of the general softening of society. He said, “In the last couple of hundred years, humanity has softened too much for its own good. Back in the day you’d be out hunting or foraging for food and then, WHACK!, you’d be snapped up by a T-Rex or something. But now, human safety is just taken for granted. And I’m not sure that’s such a good thing.”