Embattled politician Barnaby Joyce has conducted a rather odd interview with a major media organisation in a desperate attempt to elicit sympathy from the general public. The interview, accompanied by a series of photos featuring Joyce posing awkwardly in his rent free townhouse, miraculously paints him as a victim in a scenario that is arguably entirely of his own doing.

Apart from the desperate attempt to gain some sympathy, the interview also reveals that the Deputy Prime Minister of our country has little to no understanding of what the term “third person” means. Speaking of his unborn son, Joyce says, “The one thing that has deeply annoyed me is that there is somehow an inference that this child is somehow less worthy than other children, and it’s almost spoken about in the third person”. How we are supposed to refer to an unborn child that is not, in fact, ourself is unknown, but really just adds to the delusion inside the mind of a man whose face closely resembles an inflamed hemorrhoid.

Joyce also refers to his rent free apartment as “a bachelor’s pad” despite earlier being at great pains to point out how committed he is to his new partner and future mother of his child. We’re also expected to feel sorry for Joyce that he’s “spent just 14 nights in the apartment since early January”. We can only presume that he’s spent all of the other nights living in squalor somewhere under a bridge, not in some tax payer funded accommodation usually afforded the Deputy Prime Minister of our nation. Or maybe, ahem, he’s spent those nights living somewhere that he has to pay for – just like the rest of us do.

Rather than elicit the sympathy he is no doubt searching for by conducting this interview, we hope it’s actually the tipping point that sees him demoted from the Deputy Prime Ministership. Imagine how sorry we’ll have to feel for him when all he has to live on is the generous politician’s superannuation package he will no doubt be afforded if removed from office altogether.