A local footballer is reportedly considering abandoning the just-started football season following a combination of his own poor form and yesterday’s unfavourable weather. The Watsonia Wombat’s forward flanker, Brent Daley, voiced his intentions late last night after about a dozen post-match stubbies and while nursing a corked thigh.

Known to have voiced his retirement intentions on an almost a monthly basis for the last five years, Daley’s teammates paid little attention to the declaration, even though he said he was “serious this time boys”. Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, Daley said, “Did you guys see the weather? April normally ushers is into the season nicely with some sunny days, dry grounds. You don’t drive a Ferrari in the mud mate, so what was I doing wasted my time out there?”

While Daley seemed fixated on the weather, some of his teammates suggested it was more to do with the fact he couldn’t get a kick. An anonymous teammates told The Watsonia Bugle, “He’s never been a world beater but he’s really struggled in the opening rounds. Maybe he just wants to jump before he’s pushed? But we’ve heard all this before. He’s always talking about hanging up the boots but never does. He’s a reverse Michael Clarke, cos Pup keeps talking about coming back but never does. He’s just doing it to get some sympathy from the boys and clutch at whatever relevance he still has in the game. When nobody reacts with any real interest in his comments, he just disappears off into the darkness.”