A Collingwood supporting doofus is currently preparing to be the first to yell “Go Pies” after the minute’s silence at tomorrow’s much anticipated Magpies versus Bombers game at the MCG. Tim Brown has been studying the tapes of previous year’s games to pinpoint the exact moment of acceptability to pierce the silent reverence inside a stadium that will be jam-packed with 100,000 people paying their respects to those who served our country.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, Brown said, “Yeah mate, I’d love to be that bloke. It would be all time. I’ve tried for, like, the last four or five years but some bludger always beats me to it. If I can nail it this year, it would really prove me credentials as a Collingwood supporter.”

While this sort of behaviour is borderline disrespectful to the carefully choreographed pre-game service, and a pure moment for people to take a moment out of their busy lives to remember the fallen, Brown seems unrepentant. He said, “The trickiest bit is that I don’t reckon it’s actually a ‘minute’s silence’. I’ve timed it over the last couple of years and it fluctuates between 50 seconds to a minute. That makes it very hard to be the first person to yell ‘Go Pies’. But I’ll be giving it a real crack mate. You watch me.”