As the suburbs of Melbourne are covered in a shroud of smoke haze this morning, one member of the Accounts team at a local office has been real keen to talk about it with anyone who will listen. Jan Fraser has been keenly loitering around all of the conversation hot spots found in her inner city office block, including the water cooler, the photocopier, the coffee machine, the ladies toilets, and the elevator, hitting up multiple colleagues with fun facts about burning off and the lack of windflow at this time of year.

An anonymous colleague of Jan’s contacted The Watsonia Bugle this morning to share their dismay, telling us that they doubt she’s gotten any work done this morning, such has been her enthusiasm for a chat, and constant monitoring of her weather app. The colleague said, “She legit hasn’t stopped talking about it all morning. And we’re on the 11th floor and have a decent view of the eastern suburbs, so when she’s not talking about it, she’s staring quietly out the window surveying the situation. If she mentions it one more time before lunch I might throw my stapler at her.”

The smoke haze, in case you were wondering, is due to controlled burning off in the outer Eastern region of Melbourne, of which Jan has no doubt been informing people since she first noticed it out the bus window during this morning’s commute. On a serious note, the CFA has advised that the “smoke can aggravate existing heart and lung conditions and cause irritated eyes, coughing and wheezing.” So if you are experiencing any of these difficulties you are advised to contact your doctor or, if you’re having difficulty breathing, call 000 immediately. Jan has also confirmed that this is the correct course of action, so you should do it.