As news continues to swirl around the nation about Barnaby Joyce’s massive fee for a supposedly tell-all interview with his girlfriend Vikki Campion, a local man has started shopping around for a similarly lucrative television interview with him and the mistress he’s just had a baby with. Greensborough man Craig Sampson contacted The Watsonia Bugle yesterday to further his chances of securing a deal with a local network, supposedly getting the grand idea after seeing Joyce’s beetroot-red face all over the news again this week.

Sampson told us, “Mate, if that Barnaby Joyce can get $150 grand for his interview, why can’t I get at least a quarter of that for getting my mug on TV? I’m no oil painting, but Barnaby’s got a head like an inflamed hemorrhoid, so I’d look heaps better on the idiot box.” When quizzed about what the national interest would be in his extra marital affair, and subsequent birthing of a love child, Sampson said, “Who knows mate? I don’t know about TV ratings and that, but people love a bit of scandal, so why not!?”

While Sampson conceded that the television networks were yet to return his calls or his emails, he remained hopeful of securing a deal by the end of the week. He said, “My story’s pretty juicy too mate. I might not have once been the Deputy Prime Minister of Australia, but I was acting supervisor at work for two weeks when someone was away, and the split from me wife was equally as heart-breaking and acrimonious as Barnaby’s was, so I reckon I’ll get a deal pretty soon.”