Following the outing, and subsequent shaming, of Brisbane’s infamous “poo jogger”, local exercise enthusiasts with spontaneously loose bowels are on now high alert in the Diamond Valley area. While our area is reasonably flush with public toilets, some of the “poo joggers” we’ve spoken to claim that when nature calls they don’t always have time to make careful and measured decisions.

Brisbane “poo jogger” Andrew Macintosh has, this week, been exposed for his crude actions, having reportedly left up to 30 deposits on the path of an apartment complex that is less than one kilometre from his house. While the actual legal punishment for Macintosh is just a $378 fine with no recorded conviction, the worldwide circulation of a photo of him caught in the act is a considerably more damaging punishment, leading to his resignation from an executive position with the Aveo Group. Not to mention a whole heap of awkward social interactions he’ll be having with such a diverse range of people as his barista, hairdresser, dentist, mechanic and that nice old lady who lives a few doors down that he kind of knows but doesn’t know even though they always share a nod of acknowledgement when they pass by one another.

In the wake of Macintosh’s public shaming and the gross impact that will have on his personal reputation, the Diamond Valley’s somewhat underground scene of poo joggers are now on high alert as they shuffle around our local area and occasionally answer insistent calls of nature. One poo jogger, who naturally requested full anonymity, told The Watsonia Bugle, “I’m not as brazen as that Macintosh guy, but I’ve dropped a few logs around town over the years. When you gotta go you gotta go.”

While the local poo jogger was keen to point out that they always chose a more discreet location than the concrete path of an apartment complex, they did confess to having “laid at least two or three cables” on private properties, while leaving the majority of them on public parkland or near bike paths. They said, “Always in the bushes, and never in clear view of the populace, and most of the time I come back at a later date to clean up the mess. Most of the time.”

In the course of reporting this very clickable story, Brisbane’s leading newspaper, The Courier Mail, suggested that the higher accessibility, and improved affordability, of surveillance equipment had given rise to a trend of civilians engaging in amateur sleuthing to solve local riddles and mysteries. When told of this emerging trend, the poo jogger we spoke to agreed it was becoming an issue. They said, “Yeah mate, everyone’s got a camera phone these days, and most of the time they have it within arm’s reach. Not to mention all the houses that now have CCTV, and even those nerds that have dash cams for their cars. Risk levels have never been higher.”