Sales of Nutella are expected to plummet after Cadbury’s latest product release cuts out the middle man and allows people to basically spread melted chocolate onto cooked bread and call it breakfast. The popular confectioner recently released a range of chocolate-based spreads, including traditional milk chocolate, Crunchie, and Caramello, of which some are now available at Watsonia IGA and independent grocers across the country.

While sweet toothes and people with questionable intelligence have previously tried to convince themselves that Nutella is a legitimate breakfast spread because it’s made mostly of nuts, the application of a Crunchie spread onto your toast is hardly fooling anyone and, coincidentally, got us wishing that it was still hot cross bun season. What kind of implication these new spreads will have on the general health and wellbeing of our nation remains unknown at this early stage, but we kind of don’t care right now.

One local chocolate enthusiast contacted The Watsonia Bugle yesterday to say that the new product line will be a game-changer in her often failed attempts to stick to the latest fad diet. Tara Pickering said, “This is a nightmare. Can you imagine those things on your toast or spread all over a scone? It would just be heavenly. Incredible. Scrumdiddelyumptious.”