A local footballer has reported a severe case of “beer gut awareness” to his club’s trainers and is set for a short stint on the sidelines as he recovers from his ailment. Watsonia Wombats forward pocket Josh Brown says he first became of aware of the condition last Sunday morning following a tense game on the Saturday and an equally taxing club function that evening.

While AFL players are increasingly complaining of “hamstring awareness”, and that condition has seemingly become an accepted medical term, Brown’s situation is believed to be the first documented case of beer gut awareness in sport. Wombats’s Head Trainer, Bruce Hanley, told reporters, “We’ve seen our fair share of beer guts in the team over the years, especially in forward pockets, but we reckon Browny is the first to report this kind of condition. So it’s not so much the medical condition that is new, it’s more that players are becoming more professional and can now diagnose some of their own ailments. I reckon this will be a 3-4 weeker, so hopefully he’s back in time for finals. He might be a bit overweight, but he knows how to kick a goal, so we kind of need him.”

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, Brown said, “Technically I’ve been aware of it for a few years now. I mean, in the showers after training and a game all the boys point it out to me, but this is the first time I’ve spoken to the trainers about it. At the Casino Night on Saturday I had heaps of beers and really got stuck into the party pie tray. So when I woke up on Sunday morning I was a mess. Reckon I gained at least three kilos and all of them gathered around me waist. Couple weeks on the sidelines, do some cardio, get into the sauna at Watermarc, and I should be right to go again.”

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