A stray and unidentified pubic hair has ruined an otherwise enjoyable steam room session at a local leisure centre. Ben Wallis said he had been in the steam room for at least seven of the recommended 10 minutes before he noticed the pube lying on the bench no more than 20 centimetres from his outstretched hand.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle about his ordeal, Wallis said, “I was actually really enjoying myself, clearing out the pores, just chilling out you know. Then I spot this bloody random pube just lying there next to me. Bloody hell! I was out of there quick smart. I’m never going back.”

While Wallis later conceded that this type of encounter was a fairly common occurrence in a public facility, he said, “It was just gross mate. I vomited a bit in my mouth. I can’t believe I’d been sitting so close to it for as long as I was.”