A local man has openly challenged the true meaning of the term “hung like a beetle”, seemingly fed up with constant derogatory comments from his mates about the size of his penis. Nick Owen has lived with the stigma all his life, and despite frequent protestations of “you should see it when it’s angry”, his reputation as a man with a small weapon has proven impossible to shake.

However, in response to often being told by his mates that he’s “hung like a beetle”, Owen has done a bit of research and is now claiming that beetles are actually reasonably endowed in relation to their total body size. Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, Owen said, “I mean, relatively speaking, most beetles are actually quite well endowed. So when all them peanuts are telling me I’m hung like a beetle it’s not actually the criticism that they think it is.”

In response to the comments, an unnamed friend of Owen’s refuted the claims. He said, “Old pin dick is trying to weasel out of this one, but he’s totally missing the point. The fact that he’s spent all that time researching the phallus sizes of multiple species of beetles is actually still a win for his mates. What a loser.”