A study out of a local university has revealed that strawberry jam is actually gross. And, in a further finding, the conclusion from the study claims that raspberry jam is heaps better so we, as a society, should slowly phase out strawberry jam and just move on with our lives.

The lead researcher behind the study, Professor Timothy Jackson, told The Watsonia Bugle, “The whole idea actually stemmed from an argument that I had with my wife. She kept spruiking the virtues of strawberry jam but I was having none of it. So I used science to win one of the few arguments I’ve ever won against my wife.”

The study surveyed over 5,000 condiment users across the nation, with the overwhelming majority condemning strawberry jam for its flavour, texture, and the way it spreads so haphazardly. One respondent said, “It’s just gross mate. We’d be better off without it.”