A local aromachologist says she is unable to confirm if a Melbourne Football Club aftershave smells like September grass or not. With only two rounds remaining in the AFL season, conjecture abounds about which teams will secure their place in the top 8 on the ladder and, therefore, book their place in the finals series.

While Melbourne currently sits seventh on the ladder, and may only need one more win to hold their place and qualify for the finals, footy experts across the country remain unconvinced about the Demons’s chances. In response to these concerns, respected aromachologist Candyce Wellington has spent the last two days in the lab trying to find a scent of September action for long-suffering Demons supporters.

Speaking to The Watsonia Bugle from her laboratory, Wellington said, “I’ve tested that scent over 50 times now and I just can’t detect even a hint of September. We had the exact same problem last year and look what happened: they missed out right at the very end. To be honest, I can’t see anything changing this year. September has a really distinct smell to it, winter is over and spring starts to take hold of our senses. The September grass that finals are played on smells quite different to the rest of the season. Not that Demons fans would be truly aware of that I guess.”