A previously feuding local couple have happily reconciled after hearing about the exact circumstances behind the marriage breakdown between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. News broke earlier today that Heard allegedly defecated in the couple’s marital bed in protest for Depp turning up to her 30th birthday party a couple of hours late.

While supporters of Heard are claiming that the smelly deposit wasn’t actually hers, and instead was the work of the couple’s pet dog, the desperately unlucky housekeeper that had to clean up the mess made it clear that the logs were way too big to be from such a diminutive canine. Depp’s response to the silent protest was reportedly volcanic, sparking an argument that brought an end to the marriage.

In response to this salacious story, local married couple Brent and Brenda Haynes have decided to put their now relatively minor differences aside and salvage their 13-year marriage. Speaking to The Watsonia Bugle about the happy news, Brent said, “Yeah mate, me and Brenda are back together for good this time. We’ve had a few blues over the last couple of years, but things never got that grim that either of us took a dump in our bed. That’s next level. I guess we haven’t got it that bad after all. It’s reinvigorated our relationship. I’m looking forward to our future together.”

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