The Collingwood Football Club is reportedly preparing to nail down their pretzel cups in the changerooms for potential recruit Brendon Goddard. As news broke this morning that Goddard will officially part ways with Essendon at the end of this season, staff at Collingwood have been told to prepare for Goddard’s fiery temper in the event they secure his services for 2019.

Last year, Goddard infamously smacked pretzels all over the Essendon changerooms in a petulant display of frustration during half time of a match against the Greater Western Sydney Giants. The incident was one in a line of incidents where Goddard showed his true feelings about a challenging situation, a trend of behaviour that the Magpies seemingly think they can manage.

A source from within the Holden Centre contacted The Watsonia Bugle to inform us of a strange directive given to staff today. The source said, “Yeah we got this memo at about 11.30am this morning advising of a slight addition to the dressing room set up for this weekend’s game. Apparently we have to nail down and/or secure any small items that could be hit off tables. It was a bit odd to be honest. But then we heard of Goddard’s departure from Essendon so I’m putting two and two together and saying BJ will be in black and white next year.”