Following an underwhelming response to this morning’s announcement that we were thinking about fixing Canberra’s current political malaise by running for parliament at the next election, The Watsonia Bugle has reluctantly withdrawn its admittedly optimistic intention. At last count, only 73 people had viewed the article heralding our bold announcement, and we can’t even guarantee that any of those people read the whole thing. They are hardly the kind of numbers that could launch a successful political campaign, so we’ve decided to cut our losses and return to what we do best: delivering the news to the people.

The spectacular failure is believed to be the second-shortest political career in our proud nation’s democratic history, sitting behind only retired rugby league champion Mal Meninga who bailed out less than one minute into his opening press conference. And our less than eight-hour stint places us only slightly ahead of AFL personality Billy Brownless’s brief dalliance, which apparently was longer than ours because he had at least started thinking about it the night before his infamous coffee date and the disastrous press conference that followed.

Alas, our ability to influence the goings on in our nation’s capital will return to its original status: sweet FA. But that won’t change our willingness to keep you, the people, informed.