While debate rages around the local region about the suitability of an ambulance station next to the car wash on Grimshaw Street, at least one local klutz is secretly happy about the plans. Darren Bradford, who estimates he has broken at least half of the 206 bones in his body, has been overheard telling friends that he thinks the introduction of an ambulance station just 800 metres from his house will prove beneficial in the long-term.

Speaking to The Watsonia Bugle, Bradford said, “I know not everyone’s happy about this, but I think it’s a great moment for Watsonia North. I’m always hurting myself around the house, so the closer medical help is to me, the better. When I fell off me roof a few years back and landed on me back, I was waiting there on the driveway for about 35 minutes while the ambulance tried to make its way around those windy Watsy North streets. I was in agony mate. I just need that morphine whistle to take a bit of the edge off the pain, you know.”

When asked about the difficulty of an ambulance turning right out of the new station to head west along Grimshaw Street, Bradford said, “Not my problem mate. To get to my place, they’d need to turn left onto Grimshaw, fly down Macorna for a bit, and then chuck another left. Perfect.”