All of the 18 AFL clubs have reportedly commenced scouring the nation for a suitable Rioli to recruit to their club, given the incredible impact they are having on club success. West Coast’s premiership win yesterday against Collingwood, featuring Willie Rioli, is now the fifth reported case in just 27 years of a Rioli recruitment leading to a premiership victory within three years of said recruitment.

An unnamed source from one Melbourne-based club has told The Watsonia Bugle, “The search has commenced in earnest. Clubs will go to any length these days to get an edge over the rest of the competition, and this new Rioli phenomenon could be the best edge since those altitude camps a few years back.”

The source even suggested that clubs would recruit basically any Rioli, regardless of their suitability to play at an elite level. He said, “I don’t even think teams will be too fussy. Man, woman or child, they’ll just want a Rioli. Any Rioli.”