A 31-year-old Watsonia man has come to the stunning realisation that although he drives a ute he’s never spent a day on the tools and isn’t actually a tradie. The man, who identifies only as “Danny”, came to the realisation last week as he kicked off his near mint condition work boots and headed inside his warm house after yet another day of not getting his hands dirty.

Listing his occupation as a “chippy”, it is alleged by close friends that he’s never actually picked up a hammer, let alone used it to drive a nail into a piece of wood. Instead, he’s a valued member of the construction management team at a local building company. However, this hasn’t stopped him from mimicking common tradie behaviours such as calling morning tea “smoko”, taking regular RDOs, and downing a Big M and sausage roll for breakfast.

Danny reportedly confided in friends last night that he wasn’t a real tradie, but the admission came as no surprise to his friends. One friend, who requested anonymity, told The Watsonia Bugle “the only cargo he carries in the back of his ute is golf clubs”.