The already deep divide between the residents of Watsonia and Watsonia North has reportedly widened in the wake of a study into the supposed health of different suburbs across Melbourne. As reported by The Watsonia Bugle yesterday, a new study has rated the capability of every suburb in Melbourne to provide its residents with a healthy environment, with Watsonia scoring quite favourably.

While Watsonia’s impressive 4.5 stars out of 5 gave it the highest ranking of all suburbs in the Diamond Valley, neighbouring Watsonia North could only muster a noticeably less-impressive 3 stars. And the existing chasm between the two suburbs seems to have widened over the result, with residents on either side of Grimshaw Street now trading insults about the findings.

Proud Watsonia North resident Lisa Canterbury has told The Watsonia Bugle, “I just can’t believe it to be honest. We’re way healthier than the jerks south of Grimshaw. I mean, Binnak Park’s got those exercise machines in it, and we don’t have any fast food outlets… not even the Macorna Store is open at the moment! And have you ever walked up and down Sellars Street. That keeps you fit, let me tell you!”

Meanwhile, long-time Watsonia resident Doris McMaster said, “It makes perfect sense if you ask me. Those snobs north of Grimshaw Street have been going on for years about their rolling hills and larger house blocks. It’s all a myth. I don’t see any of them walking down to the shops or the train station, it’s too bloody far for them! Whereas, I’m often wandering down to the shops to pick up my milk and bread. Watsy has always been healthier than Watsy North, and now we have scientific proof.”