Red Rooster’s management have reportedly decided that Greensborough is “too bogan” to be included in the chicken restaurant’s current trial of adding alcohol to their takeaway menu. While news of home-delivered alcohol and chicken delighted boozehounds earlier this week, as we often do here at the Bugle, we looked beyond the obvious headlines for the real story.

Following an in-depth investigation, we can reveal that management at Red Rooster feared that their Greensborough outlet was “too bogan” to be trusted with home-delivered alcohol. A source close to the franchise said, “Yeah man, they debated it long and hard, but they ultimately decided that Greensy was too bogan for that kind of service — especially when they considered that Woodstock bourbon and Bundaberg rum would be part of their new drinks menu.”

The suburbs that were ultimately chosen were slightly classier than our Greensborough neighbours, including Doncaster, Ascot Vale, and Hampton. Although, the inclusion of North Frankston and Sunbury has angered some Greensborough residents. Long-time Greensy resident, and enthusiastic pre-mix drinker, Brent Withers said, “It’s a bloody load of rubbish mate. Typical of them big city wankers making important decisions that impact on us regular people out in the ‘burbs. Too bogan? As if mate.”

Meanwhile, our inside source at Red Rooster claimed that the constant vandalism on the ‘s’ on the signage at the Greensborough store probably contributed to the exclusion. They said, “The whole ‘Red Rooter’ thing has stayed with the people at head office, that’s for sure. I mean, the company spent thousands of dollars fixing that sign in the 1990s, and management never forgets that kind of thing.”